“Waiter this coffee is cold.”

“It’s a fresh pot madam.”

“Whatever. Get me a hot cup of coffee.”

I go back to the kitchen. I heat up a cup with water from the espresso machine and fill it with piping hot coffee. That usually does the trick.

“It’s still cold.”

Christ.

I return to the kitchen, grab a pair of tongs, and put the cup in the oven. After a few minutes I extract it, place it on a cold saucer, and return to the table.

Sounding like the warning on a Starbucks container I say, “Please be careful madam the cup and its contents are extremely hot.”

The customer sees the steam billowing and says, “Just the way I like it.”

As I walk away I hear the pleasant sound of her yelling “Ouch! It burns!”

My job is done.

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