Like Summer Grass

“So, what do you do?” the well-heeled man asked me. I was in the middle of munching on a canapé so I held up a finger and continued masticating. As I did so I remembered that, in France, it’s considered rude to ask people what they did for a living. But we weren’t in...

Karma Comes For the Archbishop

Two days ago, the news broke that Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, the Archbishop Emeritus of Washington D.C., had been accused of molesting a 16-year-old altar boy when he was a New York City priest in the early 70’s and that the Pope had removed him from public...

Anthony Bourdain 1956 – 2018

Anthony Bourdain’s book Kitchen Confidential inspired me to write my blog Waiter Rant. When that blog became a book in 2008, Anthony provided a very gracious front cover blurb which undoubtedly boosted the book’s success. I owed him a great deal. My wife...

The Church of Steve

Recently, televangelist Jesse Duplantis proclaimed that God told him he needed to purchase a 57 million dollar Dassualt private jet to help carry out his ministry. The conversation allegedly went like this.  GOD:  Jesse, you wanna come up where I’m at?...

When I Won’t Have to Leave Alone

I parked my car in front of my daughter’s school and walked up to the front door. As I rang the bell I smiled. This is the best part of my day. The door buzzed and I walked in. “Whose daddy is here?” the teacher called out as I walked down the hall.  “Whose daddy is...

Let The Chips Fall Where They May

A while back, a young person told me, “I don’t want to have children.  Why should I bring another human being into this horrible world?” I sat back in my chair, not knowing how to answer. There really is no answer. Many people choose not to have children and...

To Do List

The sound of the phone ringing punctured my sleep and my eyes snapped open. Staring at the ceiling my first conscious thought was, “Was that crack always there?” Groaning, I picked up my phone. It was my town’s emergency response department. I was in their phone chain...

Trying Too Hard

When I walked into the endodontist’s office his receptionist said, “Welcome back Mr. Dublanica.” “There’s no ‘Welcome back’ when you come to the endodontist,” I said. “What you should say is,’ You screwed up and now you’re going to pay!’” “I’m sorry,” she said....

Captain Kirk

“Root canal,” the dentist said. “Aw shit,” I said. “Let me call the endodontist. Maybe he can fit you in today.” “Okay.” Sitting in the chair, I gingerly touched my bicuspid and was rewarded with a stabbing jolt of pain. Two weeks ago, the dentist filled it and...

Ghosts

“There’s a ghost in my room,” my daughter wailed from her bedroom. Sighing, I rolled out of bed and walked into Natalie’s room, figuring this was just another ploy to stay up longer. “Where’s the ghost?” I said. “There,” Natalie said, pointing to the wall. “This?” I...